Upon turning 16… ( yes, more serious stuff)

16.

What a number. With all the cultural ties and connotations it brings, you really have to believe that it will make you different. Let’s admit it – we’ve all run to the mirror every birthday morning to see how we’ve grown. ( What… I’m the only one that still does that?… awkward). You know that sinking feeling when you see yourself and can only say:

“Yup, that’s me. The same mess as yesterday.”
“Sixteen is different” I told myself as I woke up on my birthday yesterday. Sixteen is the kind of different a mirror just cannot convey. It was the feeling of it. The first birthday that really felt like a new beginning. Yes, the mirror never tells lies, not even white lies, not even as a favor for a birthday girl. They were all there, the same dreaded pimples in the same conspicuous places, the same shallow blue eyes and too-chubby-nose, the same bed-headed monster that greets me every morning. But the difference was that yesterday morning for the first time, I was sixteen. It wasn’t so much about an age or a day, it was about a decision.

An adolescent is a person who is developing spiritually, emotionally, and physically. It is the kind of person I would rather not be – but here I am. On my journey to figure out who I want to be, and who I am ( two very different people indeed), I have felt many times like I might as well give up. I will never be the person I have always wanted to be. I will never be as thin as my older sister or as elegant as my younger. I will never be as talented as my best friend or as loving as my mother. Does that mean I have to break down and give in?

As a sixteen year old I can say today what I will probably be crying over tomorrow: I am who I am until I am different. I am not a lovely person – but for some unfathomable reason the Lord chose me for his plan. He called me, saved me, and is shepherding me into his family. I cannot give up in myself, because that would be to doubt God’s power to work in me. I know He can do anything, and even though I can’t imagine it, I can’t reason with it, I have to believe that he will fully gain me for the plan he has for my life. I believe in God, not in myself.

Such a wonderful realization! I hope it will stick. You never know with these hormones… One day everything is handy dandy and the next the haze returns and you grope along, swimming in your own tears of selfishness. I say I don’t like being an adolescent, and this is true – but on the other hand the pure roller coaster of emotions can be interesting and even amusing when you look backwards at it. This is my story – may it grow upwards from here.

Sweet Sixteen Prayer:

             “Lord I thank you for the sixteen years of life you have granted me. Thank you to for caring for me every moment of every day, and always being there. Thank you for my family and friends, they put the “sweet” in sweet sixteen and I thank you for each and every one of them. Thank you for the environments and situations you put me in, the good ones and the bad ones. I pray that I wouldn’t waste a single moment, but would take every opportunity to get to know you more. You are my life. Thank you for loving me first and choosing me so that I could love you and choose you. What a privilege it is to give my life to you! I consecrate my sixteenth year to you, because nothing else in the whole universe can satisfy me anymore. ” 

Tranquility.
Sometimes I need the supplement.

Author: Susanna

I'm Susanna, a 20-year-old Christian girl incorrigibly addicted spontaneous adventures. My first dream was to become a pioneer. Unfortunately, I was born a couple centuries late, so I've decided to read, cook, run, and travel the world until my time machine is finished. You'll mostly likely find me getting into trouble and/or eating licorice. I am currently blogging the misadventures of a middle-school teacher in training. Come join me on my quest to become the next Ms. Frizzle!

One thought on “Upon turning 16… ( yes, more serious stuff)”

  1. Okay seriously.
    Stop it.
    The way you write is absolutely amazing I tell you. I can't stop reading.
    It's completely relatable and honest and endearing and wonderful.
    I honestly think you are the most amazing of amazing 16 year olds.
    You are beautiful, inside AND out.
    I could go into a mushy rant of how beautiful you are getting & how I seriously am concerned about you getting married like, tomorrow.
    Don't.

    Anyway, as we discussed on your 16th birthday, it is so different! It just is. You worded it perfectly. I love 16 so far. It's full of change & decisions & hardships & sweetness & love & wonder. We'll get through this together 🙂

    Like

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