Aaah. I have another confession. Yes, it is another obsession. Oh dear. Right up in the ranks with apples, Russian literature, graveyards, long walks, the founding fathers, and analog wristwatches. My lists seem never ending, I need therapy.
Names. Names, names, names. Each one is so unique, at least if you repeat it aloud really fast enough times. Some are absolutely beautiful… others are ( let’s face it ) horrendous. I’ve already named all three hundred of my future children. But wait a minute? What about spinsterhood in a light house by the sea? What about writing all day on an old fashioned typewriter, raising hedgehogs, and inviting my nieces over for tea in the garden? Well I guess it could still work out. I’ll probably name the hedgehogs, and maybe the nieces too. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m a little too eager and a little too young and hedgehogs just aren’t quite the same so…
ALL MY ABSOLUTELY LOVELY INTEREST FREE NAMES ARE ON SALE FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY.
Get em while their hot.
Ready for this… no. Let me sigh a couple more times. Okay. Lets go:
Here we have names for the sophisticated couple. The professor married to a diplomat sort of family. You know… These names come from perfectly lovely books. Each character is thoroughly approved by yours truly. Please remember that these names are not only aesthetic but also bring about nostalgic allusions of fine literature, set great role models from the get go, and are approved by some of the world’s finest minds.
Alice ( Definition: of noble kin… now that’s some serious sophistication) She’s only the star of one of the most intellectually fascinating children’s novels ever written. Come on Meredith Massey, I’m looking at you.
Gilbert (Definition: bright pledge. Hmm, sounds meaningful) As much as we all love him, I can’t believe L.L Montgomery’s name isn’t more popular. Then again, naming is a joint effort between mother AND the father. Well you know what Mr. party pooper? It’s got a nice ring to it. And guess what? Any boy with a name like Gilbert is 14% more likely to be a born gentleman.
Hugo (Definition: bright in mind and spirit. That’s positive enough) Countless Hugos have populated great literature. It is unique, ( and your man must admit ) it commands respect.
Linus (Definition: flax covered) Oh come on guys. Someone has got to take this one… I mean… it’s going like hotcakes. I’ve got fifteen offers! This is your last chance. Buy NOW! He is only one of the best comic strip characters ever fathomed. Please someone… humor me.
Philip/Pip (Definition: lover of horses. Who isn’t?) Just think of it. Pip for the little tyke then Philip for when he turns into a manly man. It is a name that really grows on you… get it? Hey. If it was good enough for Charles Dickens, it should be good enough for you too.
Madeline (Definition: Woman of Magdala) “In an old house in Paris that was covered with vines…” Okay moving past the adorable french orphan, this name is beautiful, refined, and delightfully underused.
Pippi (Undefined) Short, cute, and utterly spunky. We all know Pippi Longstocking is one of our secret role models. If it is too much for all the way, you could keep it in storage for an adorable pet name?
Rack 2 Amazing People:
Talk about role models. Your child is sure to succeed with shoes this big!
George: (Definition: farmer) All right, so their have been a few rather controversial Georges. And some plain old awful ones (*cough*George, Prince of Wales*Cough*). But think of all the lovely ones. The man with the cherry tree immediately comes to mind. And let me tell you, I babysat a George once. And I’m not prideful enough deny that I searched for reasons to call his name. George George George George. Maybe I’m crazy, or maybe this is one of the most fun pronunciations in the English language. It jingles, it bounces, and yet still manages to demand a huge amount of respect.
Clara: (Definition: illustrious) Clara Barton was only one of the coolest woman nurses ever. If I hadn’t set my mind on biblical names, she would totally make my first child ( boy or girl?). As it lies, better for you… as this lovely taker is still open and available.
Henry: (Definition: ruler of the home ) Henry Clay is possibly one of my favorite under appreciated founding fathers. Right up there with Robert Sherman, and that’s saying a lot. Henry is a lovely name, as long as you conveniently scrap any nicknames aside…”Henny” “hen hen” the possibilities are fearful. No, this name is reserved for the stricter more serious types. I could not let my beloved compromiser go for any less.
Celia: (Definition: heaven ). I think she was a saint or something. This name comes with the absolutely free bonus of Cecelia for those fancier moments.
Charlotte: (Definition: free. How perfect! ) Not so much an amazing person ( sorry your highness ), as it is a cool place. If I am ever exiled from my beloved homeland to one of the moons of Neptune, never to return… I’ll probably name my child Charlotte in a moment of tear jerking home land memories. Until then, it’s for sale.
Rack 3 For your Inner StarChild:
Blue: This one absolutely blows my mind. I never ever thought of naming my kids after colors, but how cool is that? You think I’m weird? Come on! Let loose. That is like the coolest thing ever and I am totally seeing an ocean of possibilities. Red, Green, Amber, Pink. Okay, maybe as second names. Wouldn’t they make amazing second names? Then your kid could be all like “Yah, pink is my middle name.” Does anyone else see the value in this?
Paz: It is spanish for peace. You could call him Pazzy, or Pizazz, or Pazzata or Pazzaria or just paz. It would be cool.
Speaking of other languages. I have this problem, this really big problem. I’m english. I speak english, I mean. Please don’t be surprised when I end up with 6 children each with names from 6 different languages. Call me a world traveler, sometimes alternate languages just say it better:
Anya (Russian Anna )
Sonya ( Russian Sophia)
Tatanya (Famous character in Pushkins infamous “Eugune Onegin”)
Shoshannah ( Yup. That’s my name. Or should of been my name. I’m still kicking myself for not being born a jew).
Hadassah (Bible character Esther’s Hebrew name )
Andrei (War and Peace’s/Russian version of Andrew. And maybe my favorite unfortunate book hero of all time.
Elias ( Another way of translating Elijah )
And if you named your daughter Elizabeth you could have a new nickname for every year of her life and then some:
Rack 5 SOLD!
Okay Okay. Enough is enough. I’ll end here. But I have more! And I find more every day.
Your name is Ebony!!!
Mind if I write that down?”
Obviously I should write a baby names book. I might market each name so effectively that the world’s population would triple. And then I would be famous, or infamous. I’ve always wanted to be either one of those.