Reality Check: My sister is heading to Cali for a semi-annual bible conference over Winter break. She’s going to take the train to Seattle to visit some relatives before coming home. I desperately want to go with her. This was supposed to be my year to be free for adventures, right? SLAP. I still don’t have a full-time job. I’m not even making enough money to save for my supposed trip to Europe in January. There is no way I’ll be able to throw an extra trip to Cali on top of that. Oh yeah, and my dream of visiting friends at school in OK – how in the world am I going to finance it?

I promise. I haven’t just been sitting around. I’ve been searching for jobs, applying, and building my resume with internships, online classes, and volunteer activities. Still, since I gave up my job at the bakery – NOTHING. Lord, what are you doing? I wish I could be peaceful and rest in the belief that God has a plan for me.

In the mean time I’m feeling utterly useless. I’m eighteen years old, my friends have sprouted wings and flown to college, and I’m stuck here without a liscense or a job. I’m not complaining, I’m just… okay yeah. Complaining. This is supposed to be an honest documentaiton of a poor girl’s gap year. Complaining is apropriate.

There are certainly adventures to be had… at home. I just started my biggest homeschool class yet. I’m taking an online course from Princeton University. I’ve got two internships helping me to develop my passion for writing. And I’m actively working on the second draft of my novel.

Sometimes however I feel like at-home adventures just don’t count. Maybe it’s because I’m grumpy due to a family juice fast. More likely, I just need to turn back to my Lord and Savior. Right now, I’m discouraged. I guess that is just a part this journey.

Author: Susanna

I'm Susanna, a 20-year-old Christian girl incorrigibly addicted spontaneous adventures. My first dream was to become a pioneer. Unfortunately, I was born a couple centuries late, so I've decided to read, cook, run, and travel the world until my time machine is finished. You'll mostly likely find me getting into trouble and/or eating licorice. I am currently blogging the misadventures of a middle-school teacher in training. Come join me on my quest to become the next Ms. Frizzle!

3 thoughts on “Restless.”

  1. I can totally relate to how you feel. I don't have my license or a full time job and I'm not going to college, all of which the world expects of me at this age. But I'm learning to trust God with my future and follow his plan for my life, even if it's not the norm! It can be hard, but it's worth it. God has GREAT plans for you. Just keeping praying and trusting. He will show them to you. =)
    P.S. I'm very interested in hearing more about your book!!


  2. Emily,

    Thanks so much. That is really encouraging. Knowing we are in the hands of a faithful loving God is a huge comfort.

    I would love to share more with you about my book. In fact, I'll probably be posting about it on the blog pretty soon. As soon as I have a decent draft finished, I could give you a copy to critique if you like.


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