I took my computer into the apple store and they casually informed me that there was a small amount of water damage beneath the keyboard that would take just all my savings for my trip to Europe to fix. So I told them to wait on the repair so I could go home and have a mini meltdown. Okay, okay, it wasn’t all that mini.
The point is…
perhaps I won’t be heading abroad in February. This dream has kept me working hard every single day of my gap year. When I worry about not being in college or become frustrated because I’m still living at home, I just tell myself “well girl, you are going to Europe because of all this so stop that muttering!” I honestly haven’t been able to completely give up yet. Today I applied to three more jobs, this time not caring if they paid minimum wage or required working with vats of grease.
I’ve been dreaming hard for the past few years. Time after time something hasn’t quite worked our or something falls through at the last minute and I have to adjust or make a new dream. Because it is starting to seem as as if every one of my dreams only ends up exploding into disappointment, I’ve begun to wonder if dreaming is worth it after all.
And there you go, I’m eighteen and already as bitter as a middle aged post-modern philosopher.
Just kidding. That is no way to live.
In the end, I just have to have peace because I know that God is still on the throne. Despite the fact that I complain to him a whole lot, 1st Peter 5:7 says that we can cast all our anxiety on Him, because we matter to Him. He cares about each one of us individually.
I cry because He hasn’t let me fulfill a whole lot of my dreams, but deep inside I know that there is a lot more going on behind these situations that I just don’t understand. He is caring for me and arranging my circumstances perfectly so that I gain more of Him and learn to rely on Him more. I trust in His love and wisdom.