When life gives you lemons…pray.

I took my computer into the apple store and they casually informed me that there was a small amount of water damage beneath the keyboard that would take just all my savings for my trip to Europe to fix. So I told them to wait on the repair so I could go home and have a mini meltdown. Okay, okay, it wasn’t all that mini. 

The point is… 
perhaps I won’t be heading abroad in February. This dream has kept me working hard every single day of my gap year. When I worry about not being in college or become frustrated because I’m still living at home, I just tell myself “well girl, you are going to Europe because of all this so stop that muttering!” I honestly haven’t been able to completely give up yet. Today I applied to three more jobs, this time not caring if they paid minimum wage or required working with vats of grease. 
 
I’ve been dreaming hard for the past few years. Time after time something hasn’t quite worked our or something falls through at the last minute and I have to adjust or make a new dream. Because it is starting to seem as as if every one of my dreams only ends up exploding into disappointment, I’ve begun to wonder if dreaming is worth it after all.
And there you go, I’m eighteen and already as bitter as a middle aged post-modern philosopher. 
Just kidding. That is no way to live. 
In the end, I just have to have peace because I know that God is still on the throne. Despite the fact that I complain to him a whole lot, 1st Peter 5:7 says that we can cast all our anxiety on Him, because we matter to Him. He cares about each one of us individually. 
I cry because He hasn’t let me fulfill a whole lot of my dreams, but deep inside I know that there is a lot more going on behind these situations that I just don’t understand. He is caring for me and arranging my circumstances perfectly so that I gain more of Him and learn to rely on Him more. I trust in His love and wisdom. 

Hebrews 12:2Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. 

Author: Susanna

I'm Susanna, a 20-year-old Christian girl incorrigibly addicted spontaneous adventures. My first dream was to become a pioneer. Unfortunately, I was born a couple centuries late, so I've decided to read, cook, run, and travel the world until my time machine is finished. You'll mostly likely find me getting into trouble and/or eating licorice. I am currently blogging the misadventures of a middle-school teacher in training. Come join me on my quest to become the next Ms. Frizzle!

4 thoughts on “When life gives you lemons…pray.”

  1. I'm so sorry to hear about your Europe trip. I remember having to juggle work and school in order to go on my Europe trip and it was definitely not the easiest or most fun thing in the world, but I hope that you still get to go. On the bright side you are MUCH more mature and accomplished than I was at 18, so I'm confident that everything is going to work out for you. =) And your attitude about the whole thing is inspiring–the way that you can still turn to Christ with an open heart despite your struggles. That says a lot.

    Hope things get better soon, and I hope writing about it helped get the frustration out. I also love that photo at the end–so many pretty colors!

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  2. Thanks so much Emily! It means a lot to hear from you. I am very thankful to have family and friends who help me turn back to what's really important even when I want to sit in my own misery and self pity. Really none of my own doing.

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  3. Oh, I'm so sorry, Susanna. But your faith during all of this is inspiring. Thank for you sharing this! I love this part – “He is caring for me and arranging my circumstances perfectly so that I gain more of Him and learn to rely on Him more. I trust in His love and wisdom.” Beautiful.

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  4. Oh that is so sad and disappointing. 😦 I hope it gets sorted, though…sounds like a really expensive fix. My dad fixes computer so I am SO lucky that whenever I have an issue I can just run crying to him.

    I hope you do get to Europe. It's important to dream. It's kind of seriously important to get to those dreams too. I HOPE THINGS GET BETTER!

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